I've been avoiding writing today (and my mini post yesterday was just an attempt to appease the loyal3) but here it goes. I don't want to blow any credibility that I may have because I wrote that I was going to give notice at work last Friday. Didn't do that. Then I said I was going to do it on Monday. Didn't do that.
The truth is, it's the only thing I think about now. Can't get it out of my head...actually, I'm not trying to get it out of my head because I really do want to quit and play poker full time. I would say that the car accident has thrown me off track except that I'm not sure if that is true. But I think it has had some effect. I know I'll feel better after I get my Bullitt back and have paid all the bills that come of it. Unfortunately, that could take another week and a half. With my mind spinning and my stomach wrenching over this decision, I might have a complete breakdown before then.
I swear I'm going to do this. I've always felt I was meant to do more with my life than just work from 9-5 (or 10:ish to 4:30ish in my case) like perform. My father was an actor and singer. He was amazing. I know the feelings he had when he was on stage in front of an audience because I've been there myself. I've acted and sung although not with much talent. I've also played music for a crowd...when I was a kid. I still tinker with toons from time to time.
I don't know if I will ever become a real actor or musician. That's not even on the top of my list. But I know I won't ever do it until I leave this cubicle. I love poker and I'm really good at it. It can also be a means to performing because I would have more time (on my own schedule) to play quitar and sing and get involved with an acting group.
I won't lie. This whole thing is a bit scary. But I will do it, damn it! More when there is more.
SEEYa
3 comments:
You have time, dude, you have time. Regardless of how much money you have behind you, if you want to wait until you get your Bullitt back and settled then just wait. No big deal. You'll feel comfortable then, and you can't play well unless your mind is clear anyways so don't rush it. Up until recently you weren't actually planning on doing this, and although you talked of it and wished upon it many times before, it was never a reality until a week ago. Now you have a direction and a desire, so just take it easy. You'll get to it when you're good and ready. If it's tomorrow that you blow up and need to get out, then it's tomorrow. If it's in two weeks when your car's done, then it's in two weeks. You've gone this far, now it should be all be careless, mindless work until you pull the trigger. Time is on your side, sir.
"Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death."
Thank you, Kid. I probably am putting too much pressure on myself. SMC said something similar the other day: "You can wait." You're both right.
As for the anonymous quote, I am more afraid of life than death. I've never feared death (probably because I'm not religious). But I know what can happen to people in life. I've been battered, bruised, and flat broke. I don't welcome any of it. But you are right. There is opportunity out there for me.
Thanks, guys.
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